If AOL was a city
- You'd live in a place where no two people had the same name.
- You'd only pay $21.95 a month to live there, but half the time you tried to leave your house, the door would be stuck.
- Once you got outside, even if you were in a hurry, you'd be assaulted by slimy little door-to-door sales creeps offering you great AOL 14.4 modems for only $399.99.
- The commute to work is just a double-click away, but every time you try to leave your driveway, the flow of traffic knocks you back into your yard.
- 48 hours after moving in, your mailbox would be overflowing with special offers, promotions and discounts from www.junkmail.com.
- The local post office would tell your mother you're not a known resident.
- The local post office won't forward your mail to you when you move.
- If you saw a crime and called 911, they'd reply a week later with a form letter saying how you "really are important to us".
- Every time you went shopping, you'd be kicked out of the store by a bouncer screaming, "WE'RE SORRY, THIS STORE IS TEMPORARILY UNAVAILABLE."
- Whenever you traveled to other cities, people would see your license tag and laugh at you, behind your back.
- You'd occasionally be sent home during your day by another bouncer telling you that the city has performed an illegal operation.
- You'd not have any idea who your neighbors are, and most new arrivals would move in at night, stuff everyone's mailbox with garbage, and vacate before sun-up.
- The administration would build a huge, state of the art park, and allow the kids to play there free, then suddenly start demanding money.
This page created and maintained by Chad Schultz, ©1999.
Last updated March 12, 1999.
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