Daffynitions

Pigamist

Someone who actually believes that pork is the other white meat.

Jel-no

A liquid goo that appears when you completely disregard the instructions on a package of gelatin that warns against mixing in pineapple or kiwi.

Gear lobe

Any human ear that is pierced more than four times.

Webonics

Language spoken and understood solely by computer geeks,often changed at random to ensure it is not used by the general population.

Malloween costume

Clothes worn by teenagers in public shopping centers that would only be worn by aliens in a "Star Trek" or "Star Wars"movie.

Pasteal

The color that appears on all your pages when your printer runs out of "yellow" and "magenta".

Halogem

A precious stone, usually a diamond, that is so large that it blinds anyone within a two mile radius with its reflected light.

Fortune Kookie

Anyone who actually believes that something written on a piece of paper stuffed into a curled wafer in a Chinese restaurant will actually come true.

Handicarp

The condition under which employees must work when they have a boss that constantly holds meetings to find out what's taking everyone so long to complete a project.

Chide-and-seek

Any Barbara Walters interview.

Hilaryous

Adjective describing any hopes that a former First Lady can successfully run for President if it means that the ex-President will be back in the White House in ANY capacity.

Phonetick

The involuntary rolling of the eyes when one receives a call during dinner.

X-Failes

(Noun and verb) Any popular T.V. show that is turned into a movie.

Repoduce

The act of a bank auctioning off all property such as houses, boats and cars that have defaulted on their loans.

Insect Rebellent

Any spray, citronella candle, bug bomb, pheromone trap or electric zapper that makes hornets madder than they were before.

Residental Area

The place on your dentures that is covered with yucky gooey stuff you have to scrape off when they don't stick anymore before you can put more gooey stuff on them so they will stick again.

Spamphlet

A thick section included in the center pages of a magazine designed to look like an legitimate article with the words, "Special Advertising Section" written on the top in microscopic letters.

Grand Copera

Any T.V. offering that is a high-drama police show in a serial format. See "Blues, Hill Street".

Russian Orthodixy

Certain sect of Christian beliefs found in the Russian state of Georgia.

Blasèball player

A certain kind of athlete who makes two million dollars a year and still makes fans pay to get his autograph; also known to have a slump immediately following a re-negotiation for MORE money.

Jaztec

A modern interior design in which ancient artifacts and style are placed among aluminum tubing-based furniture in an attempt to look stylish.
See "taste, incredibly poor".