Heavenly Humor

A mother was preparing pancakes for her sons, Daniel, 10, Jeremy, 8, and Joshua, 3. The boys began to argue over who would get the first pancake, and their mother saw the opportunity for a moral lesson.

"If Jesus were sitting here, He would say, "Let my brother have the first pancake. I can wait." Daniel turned to his younger brother and said, "Joshua, you be Jesus."

A father was at the beach with his children when his four-year-old son ran up to him, grabbed his hand, and led him to the shore, where a seagull lay dead in the sand.
"Daddy, what happened to him?" the son asked.
"He died and went to Heaven," the dad replied.
The boy thought a moment and then said,
"Did God throw him back down?"

After the church service a little boy told the pastor,
"When I grow up, I'm going to give you some money."
"Well, thank you," the pastor replied, "but why?"
"Because my daddy says you're one of the poorest preachers we've ever had."

A wife invited some people to dinner. At the table, she turned to their six-year-old daughter and said,
"Would you like to say the blessing?"
"I wouldn't know what to say," the girl replied.
"Just say what you hear Mommy say," the wife answered. The daughter bowed her head and said,
"Lord, why on earth did I invite all these people to dinner?"

A mother was teaching her three-year-old The Lord's Prayer. For several evenings at bedtime, the child repeated it after the mother.Then one night the child was ready to solo.
The mother listened with pride to the carefully enunciated words,
right up to the end."And lead us not into temptation, but deliver
us some e-mail. Amen."

A minister dies and is waiting in line at the Pearly Gates. Ahead of him is a guy who's dressed in sunglasses, a loud shirt, leather jacket, and jeans.
Saint Peter addresses this guy, "Who are you, so that I may know whether or not to admit you to the Kingdom of Heaven?"
The guy replies, "I'm Joe Cohen, taxi driver, of Noo Yawk City."
St. Peter consults his list. He smiles and says to the taxi driver,
"Take this silken robe and golden staff and enter the Kingdom of Heaven."
The taxi driver goes into Heaven with his robe and staff, and it's the minister's turn. He stands erect and booms out, "I am Joseph Snow, pastor of Calvary for the last forty-three years."
St Peter consults his list. He says to the minister,
"Take this cotton robe and wooden staff and enter the Kingdom of Heaven.""Just a minute," says the minister. "That man was a taxi driver, and he gets a silken robe and golden staff. How can this be?"
"Up here, we work by results," says Saint Peter.
"While you preached, people slept; while he drove, people prayed."
A little boy opened the big and old family Bible with fascination, and looked at the old pages as he turned them. Suddenly, something fell out of the Bible, and he picked it up and looked at it closely. It was an old leaf from a tree that had been pressed in between the pages."Momma, look what I found," the boy called out.
"What have you got there, dear?" his mother asked.
With astonishment in the young boy's voice, he answered:
"I think it's Adam's suit!"
The preacher was wired for sound with a lapel mike, and as he preached, he moved briskly about the platform, jerking the mike cord as he went.Then he moved to one side, getting wound up in the cord and nearly tripping before jerking it again.
After several circles and jerks, a little girl in the third pew leaned toward her mother and whispered, "If he gets loose, will he hurt us?"
Six-year-old Angie and her four-year-old brother Joel were sitting together in church.Joel giggled, sang, and talked out loud. Finally, his big sister had enough. "You're not supposed to talk out loud in church."
"Why? Who's going to stop me?" Joel asked.
Angie pointed to the back of the church and said,"See those two men standing by the door? They're hushers."
A father was reading Bible stories to his young son. He read,
"The man named Lot was warned to take his wife and flee out of the city, but his wife looked back and was turned to salt."
His son asked, "What happened to the flea?"
A three-year-old boy went with his dad to see a litter of kittens. On returning home, he breathlessly informed his mother,
"There were 2 boy kittens and 2 girl kittens."
"How did you know?" his mother asked.
"Daddy picked them up and looked underneath," he replied.
"I think it's printed on the bottom."

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Last updated July 3, 1999.
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