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A magician was working on a cruise ship in the Caribbean. The audience would be different each week, so the magician allowed himself to do the same tricks over and over again.

There was only one problem- the captain's parrot saw the shows every week and began to understand what the magician did in every trick. Once he understood, he started shouting in the middle of every show:

"Look, it's not the same hat!"

Look, he's hiding the flowers under the table!"

"Hey, why are all the cards the Ace of Spades?"

The magician was furious but couldn't do anything because it was the captain's parrot after all.

One day the ship had an accident and sunk. The magician found himself on a piece of wood in the middle of the ocean and, of course, the parrot was by his side. They stared at each other with hatred but did not utter a word for several days.

After a week had passed finally the parrot said, "Okay, I give up. What did you do with the boat?"

The businessman dragged himself home and barely made it to his chair before he dropped down totally exhausted.

His sympathetic wife was right there with a tall cool drink and a comforting word. "My you look so tired, you must have had a hard day at work today. What happened to make you so exhausted?"

"It was terrible," her husband replied. "The computer broke down and all of us had to do our own thinking."

A defendant was asked by the judge if he wanted a bench trial or a jury trial.

"Jury trial," he replied.

"Do you understand the difference?" asked the judge.

"Yes Sir" replied the defendant, "That's where twelve ignorant people decide my fate instead of one."

A University of Alabama football player was visiting a Yankee relative in Boston over the holidays. He went to a large party and met a pretty co-ed. He was attempting to start up a conversation with the line, "Where does you go to school?"

The coed, of course, was not overly impressed with his grammar or southern drawl, but did answer his question.

"Yale," she replied.

The UA student took a big, deep breath and shouted, "WHERE DOES YOU GO TO SCHOOL?"

Bubba and Clem find three hand grenades along the road and decide carry them to the police station. "What if one of them explodes before we get there?" asks Clem.

"Don't worry about it," says Bubba. "We'll just tell them we only found two."

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