He is not quiet. He is a Conversational Minimalist.
He is not dumb. He suffers from Minimal Cranial Development.
He does not get lost all the time. He discovers Alternative Destinations.
He is not bald. He is Follically Conservative.
He is not a cradle robber. He prefers Generationally Differential Relationships.
He is not short. He is Anatomically Compact.
He does not have rich parents. He is a Recipient of Parental Asset Infusion.
He does not constantly talk about cars. He has a Vehicular Addiction.
He is not unsophisticated. He is Socially Challenged.
He does not eat like a pig. He suffers from Reverse Anorexia.
He does not hog the blankets. He is Thermally Unappreciative.
He is not a male chauvinist pig. He has Swine Empathy.
He is not afraid of commitment. He is Monogamously Challenged.