Quotes
- Law of Communications: The inevitable result
of improved and enlarged communications between
different levels in a hierarchy is a vastly
increased area of misunderstanding.
- A budget is just a method of worrying before
you spend money, as well as afterward.
- There is no time like the present for
postponing what you ought to be doing.
- Teamwork is essential -- it allows you to blame someone else.
- Whom computers would destroy, they must first drive mad.
- Non-Reciprocal Laws of Expectations: Negative expectations yield
negative results. Positive expectations yield negative results.
- You don't sew with a fork, so I see no reason to eat with
knitting needles. --Miss Piggy, on eating Chinese Food
- Collaboration, n.: A literary partnership based on the false
assumption that the other fellow can spell.
- Whenever I hear anyone arguing for slavery, I feel a strong
impulse to see it tried on him personally. --A. Lincoln
- As far as the laws of mathematics refer to reality, they are not
certain; and as far as they are certain, they do not refer to
reality. --Albert Einstein
- The difference between science and the fuzzy subjects is that
science requires reasoning while those other subjects merely
require scholarship. --Robert Heinlein
- Harris's Lament: All the good ones are taken.
- Talk sense to a fool and he calls you foolish. --Euripides
- An American's a person who isn't afraid to criticize the President
but is always polite to traffic cops.
- Graduate life -- it's not just a job, it's an indenture.
- Hlade's Law: If you have a difficult task, give it to a lazy
person -- they will find an easier way to do it.
- If only I could be respected without having to be respectable.
- The good Lord didn't create anything without a purpose, but the fly
comes close. --Mark Twain
- Most of us spend the first six days of the week sowing wild oats, then we go to church on Sunday and pray for a crop failure. --Fred Allen
- If a church wants a better pastor, it can get one by praying for the
one it has. --Rev. Robert E. Harris
- We were called to be witnesses, not lawyers. --Donna Maddux, Stillwater, Oklahoma
- Every evening I turn my troubles over to God - He's going to be up all night anyway.
--Donald J. Morgan, Columbus, Ohio
- Young man, the secret of my success is that at an early age I discovered I was not God. --Oliver Wendell Holmes, Jr.
- To err is human; to blame it on somebody else is even more human.
--John Nadeau, Medford, Massachusetts
- Some minds are like concrete, thoroughly mixed up and permanently set.
--Rev. Denny Brake
Home Jokes
This page created and maintained by Chad Schultz, ©1999.
Last updated March 22, 1999.
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From: Funny-Bone join-funny-bone@lists.spunge.org