Religious Jokes

At the Henry Street Hebrew School, Goldblatt, the new teacher, finished the day's lesson. It was now time for the usual question period. "Mr. Goldblatt," announced little Joey, "there's somethin' I can't figger out."
"What's that Joey?" asked Goldblatt.
"Well accordin' to the Bible, the Children of Israel crossed the Red Sea, right?"
"Right."
"An' the Children of Israel beat up the Philistines, right?"
"Er--right."
"An' the Children of Israel built the Temple, right?"
"Again you're right."
"An' the Children of Israel fought the 'gyptians, an' the Children of Israel fought the Romans, an' the Children of Israel wuz always doin' somethin' important, right?"
"All that is right, too," agreed Goldblatt. "So what's your question?"
"What I wanna know is this," demanded Joey. "What wuz all the grown-ups doin"?

The atheist awoke from anesthesia after his appendectomy and asked why all the window-blinds were closed. "There is a big fire across the street," the surgeon replied, "and we didn't want you to think the operation had been a failure."

A clergyman awoke one morning to find a dead donkey in his front yard. He had no idea how it got there, but he knew he had to get rid of it. So, he called the sanitation department, the health department, and several other agencies, but no one seemed able to help him. In desperation, the good reverend called the mayor and asked what should be done. The mayor must have been having a bad day. "Why bother me?" he asked. "You're a clergyman. It's your job to bury the dead." The pastor lost his cool. "Yes," he snapped, "But I thought I should at least notify the next-of-kin."

You do know what would have happened if it had been three wise WOMEN instead of three wise men, don't you?

They would have asked for directions, arrived on time, helped deliver the baby, cleaned the stable, made a casserole, and brought practical gifts.

Top Church Oxymorons

You know phrases like "jumbo shrimp" and "freezer burn" are oxymorons, or contradictions in terms. But did you know these oxymorons at church:

7. Brief meeting

6. Pastor's day off

5. Early sign up

4. Clear calendar

3. Volunteer waiting list

2. Realistic budget

1. Concluding remarks

Home Jokes