*1040 EZ 2 DO TAX FORM
US Gov't. Form
  1. How much money did you make? $____________
  2. Send it to us.
  3. Take out a loan for more.
  4. Send it all to us.

Late one night a mugger wearing a ski mask jumped into the path of a well-dressed man and stuck a gun in his ribs. "Give me your money," he demanded. Indignant, the affluent man replied, "You can't do this-I'm a US Congressman!" "In that case," replied the robber, "give me my money!"
Tax Quips

April 15th should be called TAXGIVING DAY in the USA. It is the only day when blanks can kill.

According to the government, a taxpayer is someone who has what it takes.

The ideal situation, of course, is for the government to live within its means and without yours.

People who save their money for a rainy day end up getting soaked by the government.

A certain tax attorney took on a very complex case of tax evasion for a rather mysterious client. He devoted over a year to the case, familiarizing himself with every loophole and angle of current legislation, and made a brilliant argument before the court. His client was called out of town when the jury returned with its verdict, a sweeping victory for his client on every count. Flushed with victor, the lawyer exuberantly cabled his client, "Justice has triumphed!"

A realistic fellow, the client immediately wired back, "Appeal at once!"

A police officer pulls a car over for speeding, and as he's writing the ticket the officer looks at the driver carefully and says: "Sir, I can't help but notice that your eyes are very bloodshot. Have you been drinking?".

The driver stares up at the officer and says, "Officer, I can't help but notice that your eyes are glazed. Have you been eating donuts?"

A group of terrorists burst into the conference room at the Ramada Hotel where the American Bar Association was holding its Annual Convention. More than 500 lawyers were taken as hostages. The terrorist leader announced that, unless their demands were met, they would release one lawyer every hour.
An off-duty police officer, familiar with radar guns, drove through a school zone within the legal speed limit when the flash of a camera went off, taking a picture of his license plate.

The officer, thinking the radar was in error, drove by again; even more slowly. Another flash. He did it again for a third time, at an even slower speed. Same result.

"This guy must have screwed up the settings," the off-duty officer thought.

A few weeks later, when he received the violations in the mail, he discovered three traffic tickets: each for not wearing a seat belt!

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This page created and maintained by Chad Schultz, ©2001.
Last updated July 4, 2001.