2. About two hours before you're ready to dress out the animal, have a friend chase the steer around to get the blood and adrenaline into the meat. Shoot it immediately after chasing. Aim carefully, makng sure it is gut shot, preferably by the way of a hind quarter. A good shot will tenderize the meat and get as much hair as possible in the impact area.
3. Drag the steer into a swamp and field dress it. Make sure to get as much grass, leaves, sticks, weeds cattails and debris as possible into the carcass. Now drag it a least one-half mile across a summer fallow field to get plenty of dirt mixed into the wound and the interior of the carcass.
4. Carefully load the steer onto a car/truck and drive down at least five miles of gravel road, then down several miles of highway. This will get as much highway grime, bugs, sand and rocks embedded in the meat as possible. (For extra flavor, this should be done in the rain or snow)
5. Hang the steer in the garage making sure to leave the hide on the carcass. Be sure to hang it low enough so your dog can chew on the hind quarter and mark his territory. At least once a day have your wife idle a vehicle for five minutes in the garage. Exhaust fumes add great flavor.
6. When the carcass smells so bad that you can hardly stand it, the meat is ready. Remove the hide, cut and wrap the meat--add generous amounts of hair or bullet holes to each package.
7. Get out the recipe book, or give generous samples to in-laws, pals and neighbors.
NOTE: If properly followed, just think how everyone will marvel at how much your beef tastes like venison and you won't even have to put on that crazy orange outfit and walk 300 miles each November.