A guy calls up tech support to report that his computer is faulty:

TECH: "What's the problem?"
USER: "There's smoke coming out of the power supply."
TECH: "Well, you need a new power supply."
USER: "No, I don't. I just need to change the startup files."
TECH: "Sir, the power supply is defective. You'll need to replace it."
USER: "No way! Someone told me that all I had to do was that I just needed to change the startup and it would fix the problem. All I need from you is for you to tell me the command I need to out in the startup file."

After arguing for ten minutes, the user is still adamant he is right and refuses to give up. The tech is frustrated and fed up.
TECH: "Sorry, Sir. We don't normally tell our customers this, but there is an undocumented DOS command that will fix your problem."
USER: "I knew it!"
TECH: "Just add the line LOAD NOSMOKE.COM at the end of the CONFIG.SYS file. Make sure it's the last command of the file. Then reboot and let me know how it goes."

Ten minutes later the customer calls back -
USER: "It didn't work. The power supply is still smoking."
TECH: "What version of DOS are you using?"
USER: "MS-DOS 6.22."
TECH: "Oh, that's your problem. That version of DOS didn't come with NOSMOKE. You need to contact Microsoft and ask them for a patch that will give you the file. Let me know how it goes."

One hour later -
USER: "I need a new power supply."
TECH: "How did you come to that conclusion?"
USER: "Well, I called Microsoft and told him about what you said, and he started asking questions about the age and the make of my power supply."
TECH: "Then what did he say?"
USER: "He told me my power supply wasn't compatible with NOSMOKE and I'd have to upgrade."

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Last updated July 3, 1999.
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