Deep thoughts

Can vegetarians eat animal crackers?

If man evolved from apes why do we still have apes?

I went to a bookstore and asked the saleswoman where the Self Help section was, she said that if she told me that would defeat the purpose.

Should crematoriums give discounts to burn victims?

If a mute kid swears does his mother wash his hands with soap?

And whose cruel idea was it to put an "S" in the word "lisp"?

If a man stands in the middle of the forest speaking and there is no woman around to hear him.. Is he still wrong?

If someone with multiple personalities threatens suicide is it considered a hostage situation?

Is there another word for synonym?

Isn't it scary that doctors call what they do "practice"?

Where do forest rangers go to get away from it all?

What should you do if you see an endangered animal eating an endangered plant?

If a parsley farmer is sued do they garnish his wages?

Would a wingless fly be called a walk?

Is a shelless turtle homeless or just naked?

Is it true that cannibals don't eat clowns because they taste funny?

Why do they put Braille on the drive through bank machines?

Do they used sterilized needles for lethal injections?

Why did Kamikaze pilots wear helmets?

What was the best thing BEFORE sliced bread?

If Fed Ex and UPS were to merge, would they call it Fed UP?

If a cow laughed, would milk come out her nose?

If quitters never win, and winners never quit, what fool came up with, "Quit while you're ahead"?

I was thinking that women should put pictures of missing husbands on beer cans.

Never agree to plastic surgery if the doctor's office is full of portraits by Picasso.

How much deeper would oceans be if sponges didn't live there?

No one ever says "It's only a game," when their team is winning.

Nostalgia isn't what it used to be.

Why don't they just make mouse-flavored cat food?

Isn't Disney World is a people trap operated by a mouse?

If it's zero degrees outside today and it's supposed to be twice as cold tomorrow, how cold is it going to be?

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This page created and maintained by Chad Schultz, ©1999.
Last updated March 15, 1999.
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